Saying Goodbye

Tuesday, February 4, 2014


            Sunday morning, the pediatrician arrived to check out Haven and answered our, ahem Ben’s, many questions.  After he left, the nurse came in and said that C wanted to spend some time with Haven before she was discharged.  Shortly before she was discharged, she asked us to come down to all say goodbye.  I had a pit in my stomach all morning thinking about these moments.  Over the last couple days, we had truly fallen in love with C.  She is a strong, beautiful, and selfless woman with an infectious laugh.  We watched her continually put Haven’s needs before her own wants and desires.   We formed a deep love and insane respect for her.
            The next 30 minutes were the hardest, sweetest, and worst moments of my life.  Watching C grieve her loss all while boasting at how she knew her decision was the best for her baby was heart wrenching.  We cried and prayed over her and then she said her last goodbyes.  The walk back to the room was the worst walk of my life.  As we pushed Haven to our room, my heart was broken for this selfless woman.  I struggled with guilt and doubt, but the Lord sweetly reminded me of the many times she confirmed that she adored us and was so glad she chose us to raise Haven. 
Adoption is born from brokenness.  It was never God’s plan A.  But, thankfully He makes beauty from ashes and this adoption is a true picture of just that.   I contemplated and prayed about how much I would share about C, but what I know is that I want to celebrate what a wonderful woman she truly is!  Birth mom’s get such a bad rap and in most cases it simply just isn’t true. 
          She could have taken the selfish way out and just terminated her pregnancy, but she didn’t, she chose life.  She chose to carry Haven to term and selflessly put Haven’s needs before her own.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want Haven, that’s the farthest thing from the truth.  But, she was mature enough to realize she just couldn’t give Haven what she felt she deserved.  She loves Haven, without a shadow of a doubt.  She didn’t take the easy way out.  She took the hardest way.  And she deserves to be commended and celebrated!
            C will forever hold a special place in our hearts!  We hope that with Christ’s help, we will raise and love Haven and that she will become all the C dreams she will become.  And we plan to always celebrate her and tell Haven about what an amazing birth mom she has! 

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3 Responses to “Saying Goodbye ”

Sandy Hardin said...

I too am an adoptive Mom who is so grateful for our son's birth mom. I wish you a lifetime of joy with your little one.

Paige Willingham said...

Beautiful Leah. Born from brokenness is right. So thankful we cling to the One who redeems the brokenhearted and creates beauty from ashes.

Juana Mikels said...

Oh, I cannot imagine what that goodbye was like. What a wonderful person she is, giving up her little daughter to be raised by two loving, Christian parents.