Heart Strings

            When we left Friday night, we had such an amazing peace.   Our time with C was so special and she and the staff continued to comfort us that she was confident in her adoption plan.  As we drove home from the hospital, we cried and praised the Lord for blessing us with such a wonderful birth mom and a beautiful baby girl.   I was able to easily fall asleep feeling like it was all in His hands and that He would bring this process to completion. 

            After waking up, we impatiently waited for our case worker to text to tell us to come to the hospital.  At 9:30, she texted and said she was waiting to hear back from C’s case worker about how much time C would like to spend with baby girl before signing.  An hour later we hadn’t heard anything and the devil really started to work on us.  I finally texted our case worker again, and she responded 40 minutes later.  In that 40 minutes, the devil’s lies were becoming stronger and stronger and we both began to wonder if something had changed or gone wrong.  We prayed and prayed and paced and paced in our hotel room.  Finally, our case worker called and said that C wanted to spend the day with Haven before signing and that we didn’t need to come to the hospital until 2:30.  She assured us that this was very normal and that she would be completely honest with us had there been any “red flags.”  Those next several hours were the longest hours of my life.  After a few hours at the hotel, I finally told Ben we HAD to get out of the hotel before I went nuts.  So, we drove around, and roamed around target and other stores and got some lunch.  One sweet friend texted and suggested we spend the next few hours before our lives officially changed forever spending time reflecting on our relationship and why we loved each other.  So, at lunch, we spent time reminiscing about our relationship, favorite memories, and qualities we loved about each other.  It wasn’t without some distraction and lots of anxiousness about the next couple hours to come, but it was such a great way to celebrate everywhere the Lord has taken us and to build one another up. 

            After what seemed to be a century, we arrived at the hospital and went to our private room to wait on our social worker.  We were both so nervous.   We totally understood and appreciated that C wanted to love on Haven as much as she could before saying good bye.  But, what if she was changing her mind?  How could we go from being so confident the night before, to an anxious ball of emotions?  Our social worker came in and started the paperwork process with us.  To be honest, I didn’t hear a single word she said of the very important paperwork she was reviewing with us.  She told us C’s social worker would text her once the relinquishment documents were signed.  So instead of listening, I fixated on her phone waiting for that text.  A few minutes in, she received the text and we got the wonderful news that Haven was ours!  It was such a huge relief, then followed by such heartache as we thought about what C must be going through.  

          After signing, C wanted us to come to the room and spend the evening all 4 of us together.  We brought her a “thank you” present and a thank you note.  I can’t tell you how hard it is to adequately express how deeply grateful you are to a woman for trusting us to raise and love her baby.  Some tears were shed and we hugged her and promised to take care and love Haven forever.  We then all ate dinner together, swapped stories, and watched some of a movie, all while passing sweet Haven around.  It was again, such a wonderful time to bond with our birth mom and to love on her.  We couldn’t have asked for a better experience and are so thankful that the Lord matched us together. 

            C was exhausted and so we took Haven for the night.  It was our first night together and Haven did wonderfully.  She woke up to feed every 3 hours and slept when she wasn’t eating.  We, on the other hand, had a rough nights sleep.  The room had one hospital bed, that was more like a rock with a sheet and then a reclining chair… which felt like a lawn chair.  Ben and I switched “beds” in the night and both slept very little.  I spent most of the night holding Haven and just staring at her in her little crib.  It was a long night...